One of the biggest things I have struggled with from way way way back is the notion that in order to succeed you need to convince others of your worth. They don't seek you out, you need to promote Smart people get this and they either devote a part of their lives to this goal or they hire someone to do this. Hollywood stars have agents and personal assistants! This is brilliant. I love this concept. I need this! 
I can't afford this!
I'm not a great photographer. I make nice images and I do work hard at what I do and I think I do good work. But I know great photography and I think I come close at times, but great photographers don't come close, they nail it time and time again. But I think I could maybe make some pictures that people might think are worth having in their homes. 
This is something I might be trying to put out there soon. Perhaps via Etsy or another means. Images that people might think are pretty cool to hang in their homes. This image of a duck on Conneaut Lake for example. I made this picture and made a print of it for a friend of mine. She liked the image and I thought it was great that she did. Hers is the original and I'm thinking I might make an edition of prints of it like this that I could sell. I don't know if there is a market for my work or not, as I said I haven never been comfortable with trying to sell myself...I just work and make stuff. Maybe this will be something that works, maybe not.... but I will continue to make stuff regardless. 
Photograph by Richard Sayer

So, in October of 2012 , I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!  

This is my sweet Stella.  She challenges me everyday. She has made me laugh, made me cry and even made my heart beat faster for sure.  She keeps me on my toes!! Taking care of this little creature has proven to be the toughest job that I have encounter in my life. But, I am her Mommy and she is my Stella Girl and she is quite possibly the sweetest thing that I have ever known.

 So, I take care of Stella and during the 'in-between-times' of breastfeeding, changing diapers, bathing her and myself, reading story books, nap time, grocery shopping, doing laundry, washing dishes, hanging out with Jack, trips to the public library, planning a first birthday party, tending to a pet cockatiel, making the bed, attending breastfeeding meetings and doctor appointments, attempting to make myself a pot of decaf coffee each morning and keeping my sanity and a smile on my face...I make pictures!! Ahhhh, photography, I've missed you!  I have included some of my favorite shots from this past year and I have to say that I am super proud of myself. I did all of this while being a full-time breastfeeding mom! Don't judgy-wudgy! It's harder than you think. I often feel very accomplished when I am able to brush my teeth before I pass out at 8:30 pm.   
Photos and baby made by Harmony Motter.

I've been talking alot about where ideas are born with my students. Everyone has ideas, everyone has creative ideas. The first we looked at our fingers and moved them about and watched in amazement we were learning what to make of our ideas. I hear students say 'I don't know if its too weird' or 'I just don't know what I want to do.' I guess I was lucky that way--i never really ever was at a loss for what I wanted to do. At first it was just to explore using a material or a device--what can I do with this? That would lead to learning a little and then realizing I could use it to say something. What alot of people don't realize about me is a lot of my art work is about higher powers. I used to use a light bulb all the time and it was a symbol to me of God. Well that has changed somewhat as has my interpretation of what God is and what is spirit and energy. And what is power. Its easy for me to make the connections in my work because I invented hose connections for myself to use to make my images and to say something. I don't expect everyone to get it, nor do I require everyone to get it. Now in my work the light bulb when I use it means so many things to me that it isn't as simple as saying it represents a higher power. What I have learned about power is that it is relative to a situation. One of my favorite sayings is 'what do you call a leader with no followers? A. Just a guy taking a walk.' So where does an idea come from. Usually it comes from getting interested in something and studying it. For instance a light bulb--what is it. Its a thing, its a devise to brighten if given to electricity, its light, its illuminating, its color, its reflective and its generating....you see if you really start to think about it it has many properties. Then pick a word out of what you've discovered it to be. Lets pick illuminating--what else is illuminating? Scripture? conversation? teachers? Now you can use illuminating to mean something else entirely and use a light bulb as a representation of that part of a thought. I had learned about light being used by master painters in many ways and wanted something more to my time and it developed for me, at first crudely, stumbling and often incoherently, but it grew and grew in me and is still apart of my work in many ways today. And it led to other things, other discoveries, other motifs that I could use to further my visual vocabulary. So now when a new idea comes I am sometimes not even conscious of it at first--sometimes I'm not conscious of it until after I've forgotten how it started. It just builds and grows and becomes something that I work on. And I related it somehow back to other works I've made even when the connection can only be clear in my mind. Today I worked on a piece for a little while before the idea escaped from me. It expanded as I looked up an image for a friend that i made over a year ago and realized it might be what I need to incorporate into this new image. I'm not at all sure if its where I'll take it eventually, but it has opened up my mind to further possibility. It is further evidence to me that I am still working on the same idea that I had 30 years ago, even though its grown and looks a lot different now. Sketch of an idea in progress by Richard Sayer

This might need to be a part of a triptych is what I'm debating now!

I not only strive to create a portrait for my clients, but also to create something that they might just like to hang on their wall because its a cool image that might say something more than just, hey thats us, it might speak about something of their journey ahed, their dreams... something. I think its cool if you can hang something up in your house as 'art' and then tell people that its us in the photograph--its not just a scene I liked--it has more meaning than that. I'm not sure if this is one of those images, it could be, three siblings growing up and finding their own paths--laying their own tracks in life.

I am always seeking new visual vocabularies. Those that know me know I'm not eloquent when talking about the meaning of my work. I tend to discuss how i did it more than what it represents. To me I lose alot of my enjoyment of an artists work when I hear them talk about it. Not all artists, but most really seem to pigeon-hole themselves with words and a dialogue of meaning. I too have done this only to immediately call myself a liar or at best someone who only told half truths when describing the work. I think all day long--I assume everyone does. I'm not sure if I ever shut it off. I find thinking, most of the time, great!!!! I really do. But as I think I also work and react. So many thoughts happen when I work that putting them down--or actually putting only a small fraction of them down seems counterproductive to me. Many artists speak in broad terms in order to lead the viewers into a direction of understanding their work. I envy those who do that well. I recently listened to an interview of my friend Renee Zettle Sterling where she very nicely described her work in a way that drew me in, but didn't give me all the answers so that I could enjoy my own reaction to the work. She brilliantly discussed her work without being over blown or cagey and more importantly she did it in a way that didn't talk down to anyone. I would like to explain my work well, I really would. I feel like I'm still making the same work I did when I started years ago--questioning who I am, questioning the existence of God(not denying a higher power, but questioning it) and questioning societies role in shaping me and the existence of God within political structuring and our own nature that is always seeking individuality and personal freedom. I'm never sure what form that will take next--sometimes its a street photograph and sometimes is something i create out of nothing--or out of research and stumble upons! Photographs by Richard Sayer.

Addendum: So what did I do in class today? I began talking about my work and stumbling all over it.The notion of higher power and pyramid structures. The idea that a king is just a man and a man is his own king. The idea that human beings feel this need to be the best or give the appearance of being the best or right. What is wrong with just being unique, but necessarily recognized. I guess I would like my work to be recognized and perhaps even purchased--money will allow me to keep making work the way that I want--though money isn't necessary for me to make work--it makes paying bills easier--which allows me to focus on making work and not worried about foreclosures and food. 

In newspapers we learn to do things fast. Our turn around time is predicated on the fact that we have a deadline that we must meet. Compromises are always made in this approach. On deadline you have to present something the best that you can at that time. This is different in business. Yes we do have some deadlines, but when we don't we want the work to be the best that it can be. I work three jobs. For the newspaper I work 20 or so hours each week and dedicate both Friday and Saturday to that job and also a few hours elsewhere in the week. I also teach at Allegheny. One class, but it takes quite a bit of time each week either preparing or evaluating my students. And in my business, well this summer and fall I just got busy. Everyone tells me this is a good thing, and it is, but it has left me little time to finish anything. I keep apologizing to people waiting for their pictures and all I can say is I'm sorry and I promise you will get them. What I try not to do is sacrifice quality and what I want to deliver. I am working now on trying to catch up before the next wave. I have many very nice clients who tell me that though they wish it was quicker turn around, that its worth the wait! I hope everyone feels this way, but I know I can't please everyone. I simply have bit off more than I can chew and am trying to correct that now. In the future I won't be teaching at the college any longer. Though I love teaching I needed to decide to let something go so that I can better serve my clients. It may not happen until after the Spring semester, but I feel this will help me catch up. I am also building my business structure and bringing in help. Once the new computers arrive my speed should pick up dramatically--certainly my organization. I expect my employee to whip me into shape and keep me on task. So for those of you out there still waiting for sports pictures--they are coming--I promise. I just want to get them right and I now have a little more time to get them done--at least until the next round starts---yikes and that is soon! Winter sports are a little easier because I have winter break from college! Memory mate design above and individual picture design below by 

As an artist and a photojournalist when I went into starting a photo business I heard from my artist and journalist friends ask me 'really?? will you be happy doing that' as if they thought I was taking a step backwards in my photo career. Then I heard from others who knew me from the paper who said, finally you're doing what you were meant to do. Its funny how folks perceive different styles of photography. For me making images has its daily struggles no matter what form it is. The key is finding your photograph(s). And what does that mean really? Is my work predicated on a single focus? Well in a sense it is. My focus is on creating something that truly gets at the heart of the matter with my subject/setting/mood etc... And that takes on a new meaning everyday and sometimes every second of the day. A really great friend of mine said that you have to change the culture of what people expect to see, you have to educate them to what you do and are bringing to the table, you need to show the public why they want to come to you and not one of the other photographers.' This was a way of me hearing that I need to be true to myself. Well I still make photographs based on the needs of my clients that I learn from discussions with them, but slowly it seems people are coming to me because of what I offer and not just because they need a photographer. This is what I want. I will refer clients to others if they really are looking for pictures in a style I can't wrap my brain around. To me this only makes sense. I am often intrigued and willing to try things however and will sometimes give it a shot to see if I can add something new to my repitoire and make they 'look' into something of my own as well. But mostly I think if we explore the possibilities of making a photograph together and I earn my subjects trust, then I feel we'll make something pretty cool. The photo above I said to my client, the Varee's that I thought I was making that image for myself and was thrilled when they ordered it. They also ordered a photograph of Kevin with his head down as well and his face hidden by his hat. They saw the potential of the photograph being not just a picture of Kevin, but a photograph that says something and is of Kevin---thats what good portraits are - something that intrigues the viewer even beyond just liking the picture because of who is in it. This is a hard thing to get across to people, but if you can combine art with you love of the subject itself, then you really have something. Now I'm never completely happy with my work and I think thats good overall--it makes me want to get better each time I venture out to do something. I don't feel one form of photography is superior to another--each has an extreme importance to the situation. A family portrait will hang on someone's wall for years to come--thats pretty serious stuff. A newspaper photograph informs and can lead to social awareness and change-thats extremely important. Creating personal expressions of art is self awareness manifested and this leads to personal growth which leads to creating a unique perspective on the world - this is extremely important. Plus all this work I do keeps me off the streets and out of trouble. Photographs by Richard Sayer

I don't have much time to devote to my own artwork these days. I am so behind in my client work that it eats up most every moment I have that I'm not teaching, eating, or working at the newspaper. My artwork, though in my mind is constantly evolving in thoughts and quick sketches seems to be mostly just that--in my mind. Like everyone needs a vacation or a weekend, I do as well. My 'vacation' comes in little moments that i take a break and just try to make something that has no other purpose than for me to work out an idea. And I'm never 100% sure what that will be, but it is beneficial to me. As I was waiting for my computer to burn discs and empty trash today, I didn't want to lose my focus on a clients work and mess it up--so i took a few minutes to look through a shoot i did awhile back for this new developing series that I hope to show next summer at the Meadville Council on the Arts in a group show with my friends Jim Stefanucci and Harmony Motter. This work is developing and I'm still not 100% sure what it will be when I'm done, but its fun playing with the ideas and seeing what I can stumble upon visually to help add to the meanings of the work. Here is a little sketch of an idea that I'm developing. Photographic work by Richard Sayer

Art vs. commercial.
I was asked once if I thought everything i made was art. I answered no. I wasn't even talking about quality, but approach and result. I use my knowledge of art in everything I do, but to me 'art' is such a personal deep expression and one that comes from not having a real result completely in mind. I do a great deal of work for clients and this isn't 'my art'. I consider my clients in what I make. I also work for a newspaper and again, I don't consider this 'art.' My art comes from my inner philosophies and my gut, sweat, insecurity, exploration and most importantly, without a care as to what someone else thinks or feels. Sometimes work for clients turns into 'art', but the intent is to make something for someone else and not myself. Alot of my client work is based on understanding technical aspects in order to achieve a look. Sometimes its just to get a pleasing image that sells and pays the bills. Satisfying a clients needs is how a good professional photographer grows a success business. This isn'r meant to downplay that work--on the contrary its incredibly important to work with a client and produce something that may be in that family for generations. And I take it very serious trying to make something that is as good as I can make it so that it will be something to be treasured. Its more of a personal fine line I guess, something I separate but don't expect others to. I smirk when someone tells me I'm an artist based on my commercial work, but I don't try to tell them otherwise. Truth is I love to make images in many styles and when I get an image that might blur the line of 'art' I get pretty excited about it. Photographs by Richard Sayer.